I Think of You
by Lycoris Calantha
Summary: Chapter 101 in Akito's POV. The camellia, it was a flower. Transient, fleeting. And yet it had a meaning. 'Steadfast Love' ... reposted for errors!


Disclaimer: I don't even own a house. How could I own Furuba?

Obviously, this would have spoilers of chapter 101.

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_I think of you… more than any other. That is a definite truth._

He waved goodbye so casually…

And left.

You wanted him to protest, to stay at your side… But you wanted it to his reason for staying to be because he wanted to.

You wanted him to be there with you, staying there.

No matter what.

Because he loved you.

Because he _promised_.

And it hurt when he left, because though you were with Kureno, and he was still here, it was because he promised to you; an obligation to his god.

And he refused to speak to you, instead, leaving you there, he was speaking to some woman. And it was not you.

At first it was simple, you arrived, and you had to go through trivial greetings, and he seemed to be talking with someone. And then he commented something to her, about you. And it was annoying because you do not like being talked about like you weren't there.

The woman spoke, and you almost bristle at her words. "Ah, well it is sort of rude to call a man beautiful, but still…"

Ah, yes, it was a façade, to show to the world that you are a man.

― but there were exceptions…

_He_ was one of them.

It _always_ goes back to him, doesn't it?

And he left. Left you alone with this burden.

But he didn't have to seem… you muse for the term almost absentmindedly. Oh, you remember… _**So. Freaking. Cheerful.**_ About it…

He changed the topic abruptly and left, the girl had commented something about him acting weird, and you think that he always was weird and it would actually be normal for him to try to escape from her…

He turns back, briefly, and he seems puzzled about your expression.

You wonder why briefly, then notice that your stance is every inch the one of someone who has been left behind, and regretting it.

You watch him shift his gaze to the woman beside him as he continued walking away.

Away from you.

"… I told him to come greet you, but…" the woman in front of you trailed off, seeing where your gaze landed. "Shall we go get him?" she asked, as you remember your past.

He sat there in the middle of the room, oblivious.

You were peering into the room. Watching him. His head was tilted away from you, and you wondered at what he was looking at.

You remember what's happening now, and you suppress that memory hurriedly.

"It's fine," you say coldly, never mind that you would actually have done otherwise if he were someone else. "Come, Kureno."

Never mind the fact that your words seem hollow to your ears. And it hurts to know that you, even if you are god, that he is not under you. That he, though he might obey you occasionally, he is still independent.

Dogs are supposed to be loyal.

Kureno follows you.

You wonder briefly at his relationship with Shigure. Before, he was young back then… he and Shigure, and Hatori, and Ayame.

But strangely, you feel that they have spoken. Spoken, after he had left.

About her.

_And you had, naïvely, thought you had merely gotten a cold._

_Thanks a lot_, you think dryly.

You wonder what his feelings were, when he left.

At least, when he met you afterwards, you couldn't stand his abominable cheerfulness.

You thought you saw a wounded expression in his eyes, but it was gone the next second.

And the fact that he cheerfully prances around the room gibbering nonsense helped.

He was drunk that time, too.

But the injured look he had in his eyes hurt.

You did nothing wrong, you told yourself.

You didn't keep Kureno at your side, close to you, beside you, because you _loved_ him. It was true and he knew it.

Of course, no one _else_ knew that.

You walk purposefully, long strides that you would never be doing had you been raised as the woman you were.

"Welcome home, sir."

"Welcome home… Akito-san."

"Welcome home."

And someone whispers to you, interrupting your thoughts.

_He's here_, you think._ Why?_

"… Here is fine," you say flatly. "Don't let anyone near," a demand, an order.

She opens her mouth, but your mind is somewhere else.

Your orders are to be obeyed, anyways.

You walk through the empty corridor, your footsteps sounding loud in the silence of the night.

And you lean against the doorway passively saying nothing.

His hand was on the windowsill, his eyes were gazing at the crescent moon.

And his eyes flick in your direction. "Welcome back."

You stay where you are, surprised, he doesn't seem to notice, continuing the conversation himself.

"Was your dinner with everyone enjoyable?"

You turn your head away, sullen.

He speaks again, his eyes still directed at you. You could feel it. "Wearing that kind of outfit, you're looking more and more…" he pauses, you remain silent. "Like a boy," he finishes, looking so infuriatingly knowledgeable that you want to hit him.

"What have you come all the way out here for?" you snap, striding over towards him.

His lips twitch. "To apologize for not being able to talk to you at the store," he says, he didn't hesitate, you note.

Your hands grasp the door. "… The woman who was with you," you say, hesitating.

You weren't worried about hurting his feelings, so you weren't trying to phrase it nicely. And you were not trying to veil any implications.

"Who was she?" you demand, not caring or noticing that you sound _jealous_.

Jealous. About a _dog_.

"A work acquaintance," it was doubtless true, but he answered too quickly, like he prepared for this. Like he knew you were going to act like an insecure lover.

You look up to him, silently cursing the fact that he was so tall, of the fact that you were too short.

Anyways, the intent of which is clear.

You meet his eyes squarely, meaning to intimidate him. "Slept with her yet?"

You turn away, and he looks sheepish, almost chuckling. "… Oh no…" he pauses as you start to shrug off your coat. "That would be kind of…" he searched for a term, "difficult..."

You speak then, your voice scathing. "Oh, is that it?" you ask, not really a question. "I thought that as long as it was a woman, you'd sleep with anyone."

The words were meant to sting, and to imply the past. He knows this.

"You're being illogical, you know, Akito-san," _Akito-san? Is he merely playing innocent_, you wonder.

Never mind. You can get him to reveal himself sooner or later, anyways, so you ask another question venomously. "But didn't you sleep with that woman?" your tone is dangerous.

"Who do you mean by 'that woman'?"

He was playing innocent. You know this. He knows how much you dislike speaking_ her_ name… that _she_ was the living embodiment of everything you hated.

You turn your head sharply towards him. "REN!" you scream, tasting the bitter aftertaste her very name leaves every time just from mentioning her name.

He turns to face you, his expression a mixture of surprise, apology and concern.

You continue your rant. "With a woman like her…" you pause, taking a ragged breath as he just _looked_ at you. "With that woman, How could you!"

Your face was a mask of pure fury, years of anger and pain from that betrayal returning back to you full force.

He covers his eyes lightly, fingertips brushing his forehead as he answered. "… This old story…" he remarks, "I was already supposed to have received my punishment for that," his eyes follow your movements. "Isn't that why I'm living in that house? You told me to get out of here…"

Your fists are clenched, your slender frame shaking from long suppressed emotion. "Well said… You sure did leave here readily enough, _offering no resistance whatsoever_!" your voice seems close to cracking.

You continue, putting to words all your pent up emotion over the years.

"You wanted to get away from here!" you spat the words angrily.

Accusingly.

"You wanted to leave, didn't you!" you all but shrieked. "This place," you lurch forward, your eyes showing too much white, angry. "… Me!"

You remember how he turned away from you, your hands were slack, and you felt _left behind_.

Alone.

"So you…" your voice cracked. "You slept with that…!" you couldn't find the words to describe her.

That would fit what she has done to you all your life.

"Shigure… You love that… that woman more than―"

He interrupts you, speaking words that you remember from so many years ago.

Words that stop you in your tracks.

"'I think of you more than any other…'" he says softly. His face was turned away from you, yet you watch him with rapt fascination. "'That is a definite truth…'"

"… You didn't forget," you say, slack jawed and his eyes are covered by his bangs and _you don't see his eyes_…

"I didn't say I forgot," he says, and you tremble because you are angry because he never said he remembered either and his actions gave every hint that he did forget.

His lips open once again, and his words make your fists clench again, painfully digging into the flesh of your palms.

"… Have you always been on edge about that?" he asks, being aggravating all over again.

"Why…" you say, your voice fails you. "Why would you put me to the test like that?"

You have no right, you think. He has no right to mess with you.

To torment you so.

"I am not testing you," he says calmly, turning to face you, and your eyes meet again. "… Don't you understand?" he asks, as if he has the right to sound condescending. "My sleeping with that woman," you note he doesn't refer to her by name either. "Was because you slept with Kureno."

Your eyes widen again, and you can only mumble your next words. "… What… the…!" before then you erupt once more. "What the hell!" you scream, infuriated. "This is my fault!" you continue, looking every inch like you will hit him. "Don't you blame me!"

His eyes seemed like they were in a far off memory, about you.

You would never believe it if you are told that he was thinking about the time he had told someone that he loved you.

That he loved you even from before and until even now.

And that he loves you too much.

And that he wanted to spoil you.

You who torments so many people…

But you don't know this.

And so you decide to continue screaming. "I AM SPECIAL!" you scream, your hands now covering your ears.

You feel a headache.

"It is _my choice_ how I treat my Jyuunishi! It is my FREEDOM!"

They have no freedom.

… Not from you.

His eyes look blank, and you wouldn't know that he was thinking about how he thought that his love was smothering you, and would break you.

He turns away from you. "… If you don't understand, then let's stop talking about it," you lower your hands hesitantly, and he shifts ever so slightly. "We're always just repeating the same things," and he moves to walk away. "It's just another way to worsen your health," ha pauses, and you wonder if he really cares. "I'll be going now."

You grab at him, latching onto his shoulder. And you do what seems the most _natural_, but certainly not _rational_ thing in the world. You fling herself at him… and kiss him.

He looks surprised as you draw away from him, your eyes seem pleading. Begging.

You look almost gentle, and definitely frail.

Like a touch too hard would shatter you.

"You always deny being a 'woman'," he says, his voice sounding husky. "But you're so quick to use the fact that you are a 'woman'…"

And he pulls you close to him, your arms still around his neck.

_I am_

_Right here…_

And you remember having asked him a question, and the answer that was both actions and words.

The **camellia**, it was a flower.

Transient, fleeting.

And yet it had a meaning.

_**Steadfast Love**_

And that explained everything.

You remember what he told you… and you remember the wisdom of his eyes that came not from age, but from loving someone.

He grasped your hand lightly, your hands so small compared to his. "You are always…" he had said softly, but his voice had a sort of ring to it, "going to be right here."

And you remember his eyes then, loyal and sincere.

"I've always thought of you…" he continues as you clutch the flower close to your chest. "I've wanted to see you," and his lips curved ever so slightly, devotion in his eyes.

_I'll always be here…_

You are asleep, you can't feel the chill. You are asleep and you looked like the innocent child you were a long time ago.

_Even thought you haven't realized it…_

There was a rustle of cloth, and then you felt warmer. You shift subconsciously.

_I was waiting…_

He fixed the robe over you with gentle fingers as he sat up and you didn't wake, but he looked at you with loving care in his eyes, silently promising his loyalty.

You remember when hands touch so long ago, his fingertips lightly brushing yours.

_For that day…_

You awake, and you reach up to him, your hands now bigger, but not quite as big as his, and you feel comforted.

Safe.

And you know that even though he can't always stay beside you, he's doing his best, and his heart will forever be yours.

_I've always  
_

_Been waiting_

_Always right here_

He'll wait for everything.

Wait until everything is over.

And then he'll be there for you, helping you pick up the pieces.

_Waiting for you…_

_To come._

FIN

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**Good? Bad? Nauseating? Please give your feedback, I was trying another writing style, and… I found this pairing. I like the dynamics, kind of twisted, but they found their ending. Ne?

Reposted to fix some minor tense errors.


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